Sex and the City《欲望都市（1998）》第三季第十三集完整中英文对照剧本

欲望城市（性爰专家凯莉布雷萧并且勇于发问）“前进好莱坞”hearts;hearts;纽约市沉闷阴郁凄惨还是只有我这样？New YorkCity,dreary,gray,miserable.结束和前男友可鄙的婚外情Or wasthat justme以及与现任男友痛苦的分手后After endinga sordidaffair with my marriedex-boyfriend,我决定是时候转换一下心情了and goingthrough apainful breakup with mycurrent one,而且我并不孤独I decidedit wastime for a changeof scenery.我不敢相信你们要抛下我去洛杉矶And I wasnt alone.你不也抛下我们去度蜜月了I cant believe youreall going to L.A.without me.我有带照片We stillcant believeyou wenton yourhoneymoon withoutus!你现在高兴了吧？Oh,I havepictures.当我们在计划逃离You happynow夏洛特则庆祝她的归来While we were planningour escape,她和崔在百慕达待了十天Charlotte wascelebrating herreturn.看这张是崔和我在打高尔夫球She andTrey hadjust comeback fromten daysin Bermuda.你想影城会派大型豪华轿车来接我们吗？See,here Trey and Iare playinggolf.-不会•他们应该接的Do you think the studio willsend alimo topick usup你的专栏要改编成电影-No,I donot,-They should!只是一家小制片公司Theyre makinga movieout ofyour column!hearts;hearts;考虑要采用我的专栏罢了It*s a little productioncompanythats justtalking aboutoptioning mycolumns.这样你寄感谢函时就容易多了You see,Tve listedthe gifts,who ifsfrom,and theaddresses.我等不及将这些结婚琐事抛在脑后HThatll makeit abreeze whenyou sendout thethank younotes.届时我们便可以好好放松Oh,I cantwait tillall thiswedding nonsense做一对平凡夫妻is behindus,and thenwe canrelax等一下and justbe aregular manand wife.詹姆森氏送的是水晶烛台Oh,wait.苏利文氏是银制…The Jamisonswere thecrystal candlesticks,亲爱的and theSullivans werethe silver...你知道的自从我们回到家Oh,hello,there.我一直觉得放松了不少你呢？You know,since wevebeen home...你把伊凡汉迪夫妇和他们送的Ive justbeen feelingso muchmore relaxed.Havent you史都本水晶碗删掉了I think you justdeleted Mr.and Mrs.Evan Handey等等and theirSteuben glassbowl.崔…我们有点问题Hang on.我知道Trey,we havea problem.不知怎的我们收到两个浅盘I know.；我们只登记了一个Somehow,weve gottwo servingplatters夏洛特走回她那张位于公园大道的大床and weonly registeredfor one.Charlotte walkedback toher big,Park Avenuebed,希望自己没忘了把性生活登记上去来洛杉矶一定要做两件事wishing she had rememberedto registerfor a sex life.一是租一辆拉风的车When visitingL.A.,there aretwo thingsyou simplymust do.二是学会如何驾驶它One,is renta fabulouscar.你说你会开手动挡的车Two,is learnhow todrive it.我在停车场开过几次You saidyou knewhow todrive a stick!你为什么不租自动挡？Well,I did,a coupleof times.In aparking lot.我喜欢这辆车Why didntyou justget anautomatic它跟我的衣服很配I lovethis car.我相信汽车之于洛杉矶It goeswithmyoutfit.犹如手提包之于纽约It wasmy ownpersonal beliefthat carsare to Los Angeles这斜坡是怎么回事？what handbagsare to New York.洛杉矶应该是平的Whats withthis hill那是从文化角度而言L.A.is supposed to beflat!旅馆在那里Yeah,I thinkthey meanculturally.要去那里得先爬上这斜坡The hoteFsright there!够了停车Yes,but toget there,we haveto goup thishill!我不想死在这堆废铁里Okay!Thats enough!Stop!我和人造阴茎先生有约Im notgoing todie inthis tincan!hearts;hearts;对不起I havea datewith adildo!算了快我们一定要成功Im sorry...好宝贝All right,all right,come on,We*re gonnado it.稍后Yeah,baby,go!香汗淋漓且惊魂未定的我终于抵达影城要和马修麦康纳会面A littlewhile later,有什freshly showeredand freakedout,么事吗？I droveto thestudio formy meetingwith Matthew McConaughey.第五大楼怎么走？Hey.-Can Ihelp you里面没有斜坡了吧？Warner buildingfive.直走之后左转There arentany hillsin there,are there谢谢Go down there,make aleft.General parking.我全都很喜欢Okay,thank you.你的文章棒极了I do.I like all ofit.我真的很欣赏有时候辛辣尖锐不留情面I thinkyour writingis brilliant.却总是生动幽默非常具有纽约的风格I reallydo.I mean,its sharp,its edgy,its brutalat times.我确实很喜欢真的Its alwaysa littlejuicy,It*s veryNew York.我的天And Imsayin*I dolike it,I reallydo.谢谢马修麦康纳Oh,wow.My God.Well...不客气凯莉布雷萧thank you.Matthew McConaughey.我一直在想一件事Youre welcome,Carrie Bradshaw.我们该怎么把你的专栏改编搬上大银幕？Now,heres what Ive beenthinking about.我想我已经有了答案How dowe getyour columnto translateto thesilver screen不如来剖析那段主要的感情怎么样？And I think Ive got theanswer.主要的感情Now,what ifwe flushout thecentral relationship凯莉和大人物Mm-hmm,okay.The centralrelationship.我不懂他们为什么不能在一起Yeah,Carrie andMr.Big,huh我真不敢相信I don*t seewhy theycouldnt makeit work.我居然飞了三千英里来此地听马修麦康纳I couldn*tbelieveit.提出一个我问了自己好几年的问题？I flew3,000miles to have MatthewMcConaughey你看他他是这么棒的一个人ask the same questionIve beenasking myselffor years我不认识比大人物更酷的人I mean,look athim.I mean,he issuch a great guy.唯一的问题是r“凯莉到底有什么毛病？〃I mean,I dont knowanybody anycooler thanMr.Big.你认为呢？My onlyquestion,really,is,what thefuck isCarries problem我…You knowWhat do you think我不认为这光是她的问题Well,um...I dont...他…他r害怕承诺I dont particularlythink it was justher problem.那是屁话凯莉你心里明白得很Um,cause,well,actually,hehadsome,you know,commitment issues.停Oh,that*s bullshit,Carrie,and you know it!开玩笑的我在演戏Cut!这是我的职业Kidding!Tm acting,huh你懂我r的意思吗？That s what Ido!这就是我想跟你合作的原因Yes,but do you seewhat I mean我是大人物Thats whyI wannadevelop thestory with you.好…那真是…Im Mr.Big.Oh,okay.Well,yeah.太好了太棒了你答应了Okay,thats...你知道吗？Excellent.Youre in.我真的很想上你宝贝You knowwhat else你在演戏吗？I reallywanna fuckyou,baby.我当大人物好吗？Are youacting now你当凯莉Im Big,okay我本来就是凯莉You beCarrie.我们都是动物男人女人行走于地球I amCarrie.我们有‘头心和生殖器官We areanimals,man,woman,walking theearth.；重点在于利用它们对吗？We aremade ofhead heart,and loins.我…Were talkin about usinem.Am Iright那女孩说我们・・・Well...1have,uh,well...我们…我们今天要讨论专栏The girlsaid thatwe wouldprobably...我们来谈谈这两个角色的弱点We would...we wouldtalk aboutthe columnstoday.搞清楚他们为何这么失败Lets getdown to the underbellyof thesetwo characters.我四点要去做脸And letsfigure outwhy theyreso fuckedup.我爱你Well,I havea facialat4:

00.我不明白我们为什么不能在一起And I love you!你介意我抽烟吗？I don*t understandwhy wecant betogether!我认为你不该抽烟凯莉Do youmind if I smoke・什么？•在影片中I dont thinkyoushould smoke,Carrie.我认为凯莉不该抽烟-What-In themovie.无所谓I don*t thinkCarrie shouldsmoke.这是我的办公室行吗？Oh,thats allright.会谈结束之后我转错了弯Or in my office,okay莫名其妙地回到了原点After Ileft themeeting,I tooka wrongturn andsomehow foundmyself我又置身于纽约又开始思索大人物right backwhere I had started.我是来洛杉矶度假的Back inNew York.Back wonderingabout Big.希望能逃离大人物艾登I hadcome toL.A.for a vacation,还有最主要是我自己hoping toget awayfrom Bigand Aidan,但坐在虚构的场景中and mostof all,myself.我所有问题比以往感觉更真实But sittingon thefake set,我不禁纳闷all myold issuesfelt morereal thanever.无论你走得多远或是逃到天涯海角I couldnthelp butwonder,你真的能够忘记过去吗？no matterhow faryou travelor how much yourun fromit,小姐这里禁止抽烟can youever reallyescape yourpast我在室外而且这里是纽约Maam,no smoking.But Fmoutside,and itsNew York!在纽约一本新书的发行可以是庆祝的理由In New York,the releaseof a new book在洛杉矶一种新的情趣用品上市就可达到目的is causefor celebration.hearts;hearts;hearts;hearts;Here很好玩吧？in L.A.,a newline ofsex toyswill dothe trick.答案是否定的Isnt thisfun亲爱的我们想走了The answerto thatwould be,no.什么？我们还不能走Sweetie,we wantto go.他们还没有切阴茎蛋糕What Wecant leaveyet!hearts;hearts;奶油夹心的机会有多少？Look,they haventeven cutthe cock.麦康纳的狂躁症让我精疲力尽What arethe chancesits creamfilled我只想上床睡觉I amexhausted fromMcConaughey-mania.hearts;hearts;假装今天的事都没发生过I justwanna getinto bed,go to sleep,再待一会儿and pretendthis wholeday neverhappened.盖斯会在一些人造阴茎上签名Oh,stay alittle longer.hearts;hearts;他很畅销Garths goingto autographsome dildos.他是阴茎界的约翰葛里辛Hes avery bigseller.hearts;hearts;我要去排队了He*s theJohn Grishamof penises.我真不敢相信这地方这么开放一见面就是〃嗨跟我上床Im gonnago getin line.hearts;hearts;在纽约性爱是埋在柜子底层很隐秘的事I cant believe howopen andHi,I havesex/this placeis.hearts;hearts;没错都很含蓄就像我In New York,sex is so bottomshelf,paper bag.什么意思？Exactly,its allhidden,like me.昨晚我跟一个帅哥聊天What doyou mean我们相处得十分愉快Last night,I wastalking to this cuteguy.然后一个穿紧身洋装女人经过And wewere having agreattime.胸部很大And then,this womanin atight dresswalked by就挂在这里with bigbreasts.他就马上追随她了Just boom,here theyare.没错And hetotally wentfor it.问题是我也想做爰Right.hearts;hearts;但这念头隐藏在我风趣的言谈和保守的外表里But thething is,I wantedtohavesex withhim,too.她毫不掩饰就钓到那男人But it was allhidden inmy wittybanter,and mylittle looks.但她可以拥有他多久？And shejust put it right out there,sex.And she got the guy.谁在乎？我想要上床Yeah,but howlong didshe havehimhearts;hearts;我佩服那些穿着大胆让你一览无遗的女人Who caresIm onvacation,I wannaget laid.看就像她I admirewomen whocan justput itrightoutthere whereyou cansee it.你想穿得跟她一样？See,look.Like her.你懂我的意思You wannadress likeher你认为有没有可能她对性爱没兴趣？You knowwhat I mean.hearts;hearts;不可能因为她是个妓女Do you think theresany chancethat shesnot upfor sexhearts;hearts;No,cause shesa hooker.她不是…你好Shes nota...・你好-我们见过吗？Hi.没有我正跟我朋友说-Hi.-Have wemet我有多么欣赏你的打扮No,I was just tellingmy friend谢谢howmuchI admirewhat you*re wearing.你是从事色情行业的吗？Thank you.天啊不我是在迪士尼工作的律师Are youin theporn industry看到没？Oh,God,no.Tm alawyer forDisney.一来好好享受•非常感谢你See你真的来了There you go.-Thank you so much.我对加拿大消费者的评价又增加了一等You madeit.请签名Well,my opinionof Canadianconsumers justwent upa notch.我该怎么签？Sign it,please.我不晓得How shouldI signit“献给住在号标准套房的莎曼珊I dontknow.太好了我会亲自送去324hearts;hearts;“To Samantha,whos stayingat TheStandard,room324/你真体贴Perfect.Til deliverit personally.当晚莎曼珊把豪华盖斯带回家Youre tookind.一墙之隔的我意识到That night,Samantha tookhome thedeluxe Garth.我不仅摆脱不了过去And nextdoor,I learned也摆脱不了现在that notonly couldI notescape mypast,加州的空气是怎么回事？I couldntescape mypresent.让我睡得又香又甜What isit aboutCalifornia air这和空气无关It makesme sleepso well.你的床头板撞得你不省人事-Mm.-Its notthe air.你听见我们的声音？Your headboardknocked youunconscious.我没听见You heardus打鼾小姐你听不见的I didnt.・你还好吗？•我快疯了No,Miss Snore/you wouldnt.我跟麦康纳和他的合伙人还要见一次面-Are youokay-Tm cranky!我们得坐下来“头脑风暴〃一下I haveto takeanother meetingwith MatthewMcConaughey andhis partners.凯莉和她的感情生活出了什么问题Were allgonna sitaround andbrainstorm-不要去-我必须去what goeswrong withCarrie andall herrelationships.我是逗他们开心的小作家-Dont go.-I haveto go.我有个东西可以让你好过一点they flewme outhere.Tm theirlittle writermonkey.早上十点就拿出人造阴茎Well,Ivegotsomething tomake youfeel better.hearts;hearts;我全身细胞都活跃起来了Oh,dildos before10:00a.m.上面有亲笔签名一人一个Im allperked up!大老远来到加州They*re autographed,one foreach.我只得到这个烂玩意儿-Oh.-My friendwent toCalifornia把这些收起来好吗？uand allI gotwas thislousy dildo.-别人在看了■这里是洛杉矶Could youplease putthese backwherever theycame from没人在乎你的蛋白旁放着那活儿-People arestaring.-Please,it*s L.A.没人需要这么大一根No onecares ifyour eggwhites havea sideof cock.；女人平均只有五英寸深Wow nobodyneeds thismuch.我知道我只是在练习洛杉矶式的语气Do youknow theaverage womanis onlyfive inchesdeep你们看这张崔假装一杆进洞I know.I was just practicingmy L.A.spin.•他好喜欢开这玩笑•谁不喜欢呢？Oh,look,look.Heres one of Treypretending toget ahole-in-one.你们有注意到我们两个都穿百慕达短裤吗？-He justloved thatgag.-Who wouldn*t在百慕达穿百慕达短裤你们真是疯狂Oh!Did younotice thatwere bothwearing Bermudashorts我很想留下来Bermudas inBermuda!You kidswere crazydownthere!但我得把猫送去宠物店Well,Td loveto stay,・真好•我也要走了but Ivegotta drugmy cat and takehim to the kennel.车子一点会来接我们-Lovely!-Ah,I gottago too!我们会准时到的Hey,the carspicking usup at1:

00.欢迎回来你这已婚的老妇人Well bethere!-再见玩得愉快-好Welcome back,you old,married lady.-Bye!Have fun!-All right!你好吗？很好你呢？So howare you好极了Im good.How areyou我和艾登坦白了出轨的事他跟我分手了Great!我和崔在蜜月期间没有性生活I toldAidan aboutthe affairand hebroke upwith me.你赢了Treyand I neverhad sexon ourhoneymoon.我们要多喝一点咖啡You win!还是拿把枪自杀算了？So,should we get morecoffee,他没办法勃起or shouldwegettwo gunsand killourselves那写在你的餐盘垫布上吗？对我来说好的命根子要看宽度Is thatwritten onyour placemat orsomething我完全同意To me,the markof afine penisis width.所以你们一定会喜欢这份礼物Mm,couldnt agreemore.你的意思是盖斯的尺寸非常完美？Thats whyI knowyoull enjoyyour presents.正是-Huh.-So areyou sayingthat Garthhas theperfect girth尽管我很欣赏这杰出栩栩如生的手工艺Exactly.我决定把它还给你Well,as muchas Ienjoy thefine,lifelike craftsmanship,我要留着Im gonnaleave minewithyou.洛杉矶之旅不如我希望的那么顺利Um,I thinkIm holdingonto mine.与此同时在纽约L.A.isnt workingout exactlythe wayI hadhoped.Meanwhile,back inNew York,崔仍然无意于性事夏洛特则要寄出感谢函and stillno closerto beinginput byTrey,她每舔一张爱情邮票Charlotte addressedthank younotes.就觉得那在嘲弄她的婚姻Every timeshe lickeda lovestamp,是我she feltit madea mockeryof hermarriage.已经好几天却毫无进展万一他真的性无能怎么力、？Hello Itsme.你认为是哪一种性无能？Its beendays andstill nothing.What ifhe reallyis impotent让他硬不起来的那种Well,what kindof impotencedoyou think itis不是生理的还是心理的？The kindthat makesit soft我不知道No,no.I mean,physical oremotional你问过他吗？I dontknow.他觉得很尴尬Well,have youasked himabout it他根本不想谈这件事Oh,hes embarrassed.你照这方法去做He doesnteven wannatalk about it.趁他睡觉时把一个纸环套在他垂软的命根子上Okay,heres howyou findout.天啊我听起来像变态的神探南茜You puta ringof paperaround hisflaccid peniswhile hesasleep.hearts;hearts;那有何作用？Jesus,I sound like aperverted NancyDrew.如果它在晚上裂开了What doesthat do就表示他有能力勃起不是生理问题Well,if itrips duringthe night,这个楼层禁止吸烟that meanshes capableof anerection and the problemis not physical.先生我有烟瘾This floorsnon-smoking.一个纸环I havean addiction,sir!没错A ringof paper当晚莎曼珊邀请人造阴茎先生来吃点心Yep.hearts;hearts;而且不只于此Later thatnight,Samantha invitedMr.Dildo outfor dimsum,莎曼珊再跟我说一些你的事and thensome.你的兴趣是什么？So Samantha,tell memore about yourself.那很明显What areyour interests我是认真的Well,Ithinkthat*s prettyobvious.难道你不想多了解我这个人Im serious.和我的兴趣吗？Imean,dont you wanna knowmore aboutme好吧My interests我是个诗人Well,okay.我在刊物上发表过…-Im apoet.-Oh.盖斯希望莎曼珊知道Ive beenpublished in the AmicusJournal.他不只是个性爰玩具而已Garth wantedSamantha toknowhearts;hearts;他也有感性的一面that hewas morethan justasextoy.你想不想听我念一首诗？He hada softside.遥远的夏洛特也在面对崔疲软的一面You wanna hear one她下定决心要得到一些答案And faraway,Charlotte wasdealing withTreys softside as well.她带着爰意上床She decidedshe wasgoingtoget someanswers.hearts;hearts;入睡时希望她的丈夫有足够的邮资So shecame to bed,armed withlove.好让他的包裹寄到她的信箱She wentto sleep,hoping hermale hadsufficient postage旅馆里的莎曼珊正等着投递她自己to deliverhis packageinto herbox.树叶再次茂盛地生长Back at the hotel,Samantha waswaiting fora deliveryof herown.有些往南有些往北And onceagain,the leavesbloomed forth.好美的诗快过来Some headedsouth,some headednorth.“蓝色的幼鸟Thats beautiful.Come here.在空中飞翔Blue,as ababy bird,我的眼注视着你的眼winged andaloft,寻找一些我失落的东西”my eyessearch youreyes莎曼珊我正在思考1for somethingI*ve lost.是吗？Samantha,I wasthinking.我们非常契合Oh,you were我已经征服洛杉矶了We havethis reallygreat connection.不如我搬去纽约吧？And Ivepretty muchdone LA,我可以追求我热爱的两件事写诗和色情业how aboutI movetoNew York这很棒吧？I couldpursue mytwo passions,poetry andporn.我们可以继续交往Uh...Wouldnt itbe great在洛杉矶纵情享乐是一回事We couldkeep seeingeach other.但在麦特画廊向大家介绍Having afling in L.A.is onething,人造阴茎先生又是另一回事but introducingMr.Dildo toeveryonehearts;hearts;我不认为这行得通盖斯atagala at the Metwas quiteanother.我很了解我自己I don*tthinkit wouldwork,Garth.我是个占有欲很强的女人I knowme.无法和全世界分享你的命根子And Immuch toopossessive awoman就这样莎曼珊逃过一劫免去做人造阴茎太太的命运to shareyour peniswith theworld.hearts;hearts;她把盖斯从现在移到了过去And justlike that,Samantha escapeda lifeas Mrs.Dildo.但她带走了他最棒的部分She movedGarth outof herpresent andinto herpast.我终于找到一个可以躲开米兰达鼾声的地方But shetook thebest partof himwith her.我过往恋情的幽灵没那么容易摆脱rd finallyfound aplace toescape Mirandassnoring.我得面对事实就是我并未真正走出大人物The ghostsof myrelationships pastwerent soeasy toshake.和艾登的阴霾只是往前走了一点而已Ihadto facethe fact that Ihadnt reallymoved on不好意思from Bigand Aidan.Td justmoved.我熄掉了…行了吗？Excuse me.不我只是在想I putit out,see Iputitout!能不能跟你借一根烟Oh,no,I was just wondering抱歉这是最后一根了if I could bumone ofthose.Oh,sorry,itwasmy lastone.你需要人陪吗？你确定想一个人独处？You wantsome company是的You sureyouwannabe alone我一说出口I am.就知道这是我想要…As soon as Isaid itout loud,以及需要的I knewthat that was justwhatIwanted...隔天夏洛特醒来时就像圣诞节and needed.早上的小女孩一样兴奋The next day,Charlotte wokeup asexcited她等不及去看崔的包裹是否已拆封as alittle girlon Christmasmorning.早安…And she couldnt waitto seeif Treyspackage wasunwrapped.早安Mm,morning,morning,morning!你在兴奋什么？Well,good morning.没有我只是好爱你What areyousoexcited about我也爱你Nothing.I justlove you.几个星期以来夏洛特第一次觉得放心I loveyou,too.崔的问题并不是生理的For thefirst timein weeks,Charlotte feltrelieved.接着她意识到Trey*s problemwasn*tphysical.若非生理问题And then,she realized.她无法逃脱这是心理因素的事实r这很难用简单的爱情邮票解决If itwasn tphysical,she couldntescape thefactthatit我对面前这幅景象非常熟悉might beemotional.And there was noeasy lovestamp solutionto fixthat.充满年那时〃都市牛仔”的味道I amtotally diggingthis scene.1982洛杉矶这么多好玩的地方Its soUrban Cowboy,circa

1982.我们却来这间“马鞍农场〃不要抱怨rAll thefabulous placesinL.A.,and were atthe Saddle这是距离最近而且不需爬坡的酒吧Ranch ChopHouse这就是我说的你看她Hey,dont complain,its theclosest barwithout a她的尖叫暗示着性如此坦率hill involved.You see,this iswhat Imtalking about.Look ather.真希望我能多像她一点She screamssex.It*ssohonest.别再抱怨了I wishI couldbe morelike that.身体力行吧Well,stop fuckingcomplaining aboutit哪位美丽的小姐要试试？and justdo somethingaboutit.我来Okay,which lovelyladys gonnabe next米兰达不要去I will!•她要去•不Miranda,no!抓紧-Over here!She will!-No!我们不确定是因为加州的气候Hold on!还是她喝的五杯啤酒We werentsure ifitwasthe Californiaclimate,但她一骑上那头牛米兰达就不再是自己了or thefive LoneStar beersshe drank,我猜她真的很需要度假but assoonasshegoton thatbull,Miranda escapedMiranda.隔天当我开着车在影城门口停下来时Wow,I guessshe reallydid needavacation.我有所领悟And thenext day,as Ipulled uptothestudio,决定要不要逃避的人是我自己I realizedI wasthe one我可以开进去听别人告诉我who heldthe keyto myescape.过去我犯了什么错Icould drive in and havesomeone tellme或者继续往前开自己找答案the mistakesFve madeinmypast.这就是我的选择Or Icoulddriveon andfigure themout myself.如果我可以征服手动挡So that*swhatI did.一段成功的恋情还会如此遥不可及吗？Imean,ifIcould masterastickshift,could asuccessful relationshipbe thatfar behind我们试了两次真令人泄气He just...hecouldntget itup!我们只好开始打高尔夫球We triedtwice,and itwasjustso frustrating,上了许多天高尔夫课程后we juststarted playinggolf!夏洛特的差点下降了After manydays on the golfcourse,12崔的差点则保持不变Charlottes handicaphad gonedown

12.■性无能是很常见的毛病-天啊Treys handicaphad stayedthesame.你认为他是性无能吗？Well,sweetie,impotence isa commonproblem.-Oh,God.这个嘛…Do youthink he*s impotent我丈夫绝不会性无能他好帅Well...好吧很高兴你解决了这问题My husbandcantbeimpotent,he*s gorgeous!或许他是因为…All right,then,glad yousolved that.婚礼蜜月和高尔夫而紧张I wasthinking thatmaybe hewasjust...有一天他真的打得很糟nervous aboutthe wedding,and thehoneymoon,and thegolf.He playedreally badlyone day.你要我说什么呢？我们换个话题吧What doyou wantme tosay你和艾登怎么回事？Lets justchange thesubject.糟透了What happenedwith Aidan我答应这趟旅行只是为了Ugh,nothin good.远离艾登大人物以及整个混乱局面The wholereason Ieven agreedtothistrip走吧我们去巴尼百货was toget awayfrom Aidan,and Big,andthewhole mess.去了洛杉矶我非再买一双鞋不可Come on/ets getthe checkand goto Barneys.hearts;hearts;不你去吧我想留下来再喝一杯咖啡I cantpossibly gotoLos Angeles withoutanother pairof shoes.快去吧逛得开心点No,yougo.Tm gonnastay andhave anothercup.好吧Just go,have fun!有需要就打电话给我All right.hearts;hearts;好Call meifyou needme.当天稍晚三名单身纽约女子Okay.抵达了天使之城Later thatday,three singleNew Yorkers我好需要这个假期arrived inthe cityof angels.我也一样姐妹Oh,I soneeded thisvacation.好莱坞万岁You andme both,sister.那是他的工作？Hooray forHollywood!穿着内裤坐在一个假鱼缸里？Wait,thats hisjobhearts;hearts;你觉得他在看什么？To sitinafake fishtank inunderwear求职广告rWhat doyouthinkhesreadinghearts;hearts;出了一点问题The wantads这是我最讨厌听到的话There seemstobea problem.我有琼斯和布雷萧小姐的订房记录Words Imnever fond of hearing.hearts;但没有霍布斯小姐I havereservations forMiss Jonesand MissBradshaw,真是太好了but notMiss Hobbes.；我们应该是订了三个房间Great that*sjustgreat.hearts;制作公司只订了两个房间Well,there was,therewassupposedtobe threereservations.而我们已经客满了hearts;hearts;hearts;hearts;hearts;The productioncompany onlyrequested tworooms,妈的…and Im afraid wereall bookedup.她来自纽约Fuck,fuck,fuck!我明白Shes fromNewYork.明天就有空房间了I understand.hearts;在这之前PH haveanother roomtomorrow,你可以和一个朋友合住吗？or thenextday,atthelatest.我跟她一起住Until then,might Isuggest youstay withoneofyour friends好的别抱怨我抽烟Fil staywith her.他们没有要求抽烟的房间Okay,I dontwannahearanything aboutmy smoking.hearts;Uh,they didntrequest smokingrooms.你说什么？你住的楼层是非吸烟区Excuse me这是我更讨厌听到的话Youre ona non-smoking floor.稍后穿着一身“纽约人来到洛杉矶”的最棒行头Words Fmeven lessfondofhearing.我们准备去见识一下城里的夜生活Later thatnight,decked outin ourNewYorkgoes toL.A.finest/*■好我准备好了•我们走吧wewereready fora nightonthetown.回到饭店的酒吧-Okay,Im ready,lets go.我们意识到三个钟头的时差Back inthe hotelbar,也让我们迟了三小时才喝到鸡尾酒we realizedthe threehour timedifference欢迎来到洛杉矶我是盖斯also madeus threehours latefor cocktailhour.我是莎曼珊你怎么知道我不是本地人？Welcome toL.A.Im Garth.如果你住在这里我们早就认识了Im Samantha.How didyouknowI wasfrom outof town你不当欢迎人员时Because ifyou livedhere...we wouldhave metby now.是做什么的？So what doyou do whenyoure notworking我是个人造阴茎模特儿as aone-man welcomewagonhearts;hearts;你不会戏弄一个女孩子吧？Im adildo model.我在美国排名第二在加拿大排名第一You wouldnttease agirl,would you我的命根子在加拿大比较大Really,Im thenumber twoselling modelintheU.S.Number onein Canada.hearts;hearts;你一定爱死了十进位制My dicksbigger inCanada.Gotta lovethat metricsystem!我得走了去哪里？人造阴茎挂急诊？I gottarun.hearts;hearts;你以为我在骗你但我没有Where Adildo emergency我们要在“好色客”办一场促销派对You know,I knowyouthinkIm yankinyour chain,but Imnot.庆祝新的玩具和配件上市As amatter offact,we arehavingapromotional partyattheHustler store这是邀请卡来看看celebrating thelaunch ofanewline oftoys andaccessories.我一向乐意参加Heres aninvitation.Come...当莎曼珊和人造阴茎洗生道别Oh,I alwaysdo.hearts;hearts米兰达和狄克先生问好As Samanthasaid goodbyeto Mr.Dildo,杰森狄克（狄克音同阴茎）Miranda saidhello toMr.Dick,hearts;hearts;拼法是荷兰语Mr.Jason Dick.D-I-Q-U-E没错我考虑过改名It*s spelledD-I-Q-U-E.Its Dutch.-有可能会更糟-怎么说And yes,Fve thoughtabout changingit.你要是叫里托就更惨了（短小）-Well,it couldbe worse.-How你是做什么的？If yourfirst namewas Little.-我是个律师-我以为我已经够糟了So whataboutyou,whatdoyoudo不会吧其实很棒-Imalawyer.-Oh,andIthought Ihad itbad!你看起来像律师No,really,thats great.You look likealawyer.你看起来像阴茎hearts;hearts;和一个聪明风趣的女人聊天真好And youlooklikea dick!我刚说到哪里？It isso greatto talkto asmart,and funnywoman.和一个聪明风趣的女人聊天真好Uh,what wasI saying抱歉失陪一下Ifs greatto talkto asmart,and funnywoman.在吧台处Uh,could youexcuse meforasecond我和洛杉矶最令人敬畏的女人一起喝酒And acrossthe bar,青少年发展执行官Iwashaving drinkswith themost ambitiousand fearedcreature inall ofLosAngeles,我很喜欢你的专栏我觉得好有同感the juniordevelopment executive.谢谢我尽力而为I justlove yourcolumns.Theyre sorelatable.就仿佛我是你Thanks.Well,I try.当我岁时就会是了It*s like,Tm you,30你你真是个窝囊废or Iwill bewhen Iturn30!你是个窝囊废You!You aresuch aloser!你是窝囊废Youre aloser!我开玩笑的You are,loser!真是个窝囊废Im kidding!去年他说我是全天候的败类What aloser.-真是胡扯■一点也没错Last year,pitched menothing butshit,24/

7.说真的我就是你•Thats alotta shit.-No shit!你心碎过我也心碎过But seriously,I amyou.如果我有这经验表示其他女孩也有You*ve hadyour heartbroken,Ive hadmy heartbroken.如果其他女孩有那就表示电影首周一定卖座And ifI have,that meansother girlshave.hearts;hearts;不像战警那么卖座而是女性电影的卖座And ifother girlshave,that meansbig openingweekend.X hearts;hearts;hearts;hearts;想出这个词的家伙应该把他的睾丸割掉Not X-Men big,but chickflick big.这不会有点严厉吗？God,theguywho cameupwiththat termshould havehis ballscut off.希望我的语气不会像个混帐Dont youthink thatsalittlesevere我喜欢你的鞋子rDo Isoundlike an assholeI hopeI dont soundlikeanasshole.谢谢You know,Iloveyour shoes.大新闻有个明星感兴趣Oh,thanks.Thanks.；你猜是谁So bignews.I havea starinterested.茱芭莉摩儿？Guess who!不对再猜Drew Barrymore我不太记得名人的名字No.Guess!猜嘛Im reallynot goodwith thecelebrity names.那个珍妮佛乐芙什么的女孩Oh,guess!不对再猜That JenniferLove somethinggirl我猜不出来了Nope.Guess!马修麦康纳Im doneguessing.MatthewMcConaughey.他怎么会想参与演出？因为他很聪明Why wouldhe wannabe involved他也是个制片人Because hessmart.而且他喜欢这个题材Hes aproducer,aswell,我们跟他约明天下午三点见面and hereally tooktothematerial.他性感得要命Youre meetinghim tomorrowat3:

00.你认为呢？Hot,hottie,hot.与此同时在纽约What doyouthinkabout that夏洛特则面对着一张依然冷到极点的床Meanwhile,back inNewYork,崔来睡吧很晚了Charlotte wasdealing witha bed thatwasstill cold,coldie,cold.马上来Trey,honey,come tobed.It*s late.我要把所有结婚礼物输入电脑才睡觉Oh,inaminute.那晚夏洛特最不希望I wontbe abletosleepuntil Ienter allthese weddinggifts.崔在床上做的事就是睡觉Sleep wasthe lastthing Charlottewas hoping我已经列出每个礼物的赠送者和地址Trey woulddo inbedthatnight.。