2024年英文短篇幽默故事

年英文短篇幽默故事2024英文短篇幽默故事大家在学习英语的时候，我们可以通过阅读英语幽默的故事来提升自己的阅读水平以下是我为大家整理好的英文短篇幽默故事，欢迎大家阅读参考！假如生活是一台电脑you couldadd/remove someonein yourlife usingthe controlpanel,you couldputyour kidsin therecycle binand restorethem whenyou feellike it!you couldimproveyour appearanceby adjustingthe displaysettings.you couldturn offthe speakerswhenlife getstoo noisy,you couldclick onfind ctrl,fto recoveryour lostremote controlandcar keys,to get your dailyexercisejust clickon runlifyou messup yourlife youcouldzalways pressctrLalt,and startall over!你可以通过控制面板增加或者删除一些人可以把孩子放进回收站，然后在你喜欢的时候再还原；可以通过调整显示器的设置让外袁更好看可以在吵闹的时候关掉音箱；可以点击..搜索“找到丢失了的遥控器和车钥匙锻炼身体的.时候，点击..运行二要是你的生活一团糟，同时按下「Ctrl,alt,键，一切就会重新开始放屁的问题A littleold lady goes to the doctorand says,**Doctor,I havethis problemwith gas,but itdoesn#39;t reallybother me too much.They neversmall andare alwayssilent.有位小老太太去看医生，她对医生说〃医生，我有爱放屁的毛病其实也不是大问题，因为我放屁不臭而且没声音As amatter Offact,I#39;ve fartedat least20times sinceI#39;ve beenhere inyouroffice.You didn#39;t knowI wasfarting becausethey don#39;t smelland aresilent“The doctorsays,1see,Here#39;s aprescription.事实上，自从我进了你办公室后，已经放了至少20个屁了，但是你并不知道对吧，因为我的屁不臭，而且还没声音医生说〃好的‘，我明白了Take thesepiles3times aday forseven daysand comeback tosee menext week.The nextweek theladygoesback.Doctor,she says,T don#39;t knowwhat thehell yougaveme,but nowmy farts...although stillsilent...stink terribly.吃这个药片，一天三次连续吃七天，下星期你再来一个星期后，老太太来了「医生，你到底给的我什么药，现在我放屁还是没声音The doctorsays,Good!Now thatwe#39;ve clearedup yoursinuses,let#39;sstart workingon yourhearing.但是怎么这么臭医生说太好了!既然你的嗅觉正常了，门开始治听觉吧“你做了什么坏事It wasthe Christmasseason and the judgewas ina merrymood ashe askedtheHprisoner,What isyour offense圣诞佳节到来，法官心情愉悦地问犯人你做了什么坏事啊？Idid myChristmas shoppingearly thisyear,cried theprisoner.〃我今年圣诞节购物早了些犯人回答“There#39;s nothingwrong withthat,“said theJudge.How earlywere youdoingthis shopping〃这么做没错啊，〃法官说〃到底多早之前啊？〃z/Before thestore opened,answered theprisoner.〃商店开门之前〃犯人答道你太晚了You aretoo lateOna busa mandiscovered apickpocket#39;s handthrust intohis pocket.sorry,he said to thepickpocket,you aretoo late.MY wifedid itbefore you.在公共汽车上，有个人发现小偷把手伸到了他的口袋里对不起，他对小偷说，你太晚了，我妻子在你之前就做过同样的事情了那就更糟了Policeman:Why didn#39;t youshout forhelp whenyou wererobbed Ofyourwatch警察有人抢你的手表时，你为什么不呼救呢？Man:If Ihad openedmy mouththey#39;d havefound myfour goldteeth.That/would bemuch worse.男子要是我张口的.话，他们就会发现我的四颗金牙那就更糟了心理医生jerry wentto apsychiatrist,doc,he said,l#39;ve gottrouble.every timei getinto；bed ithink there#39;s somebodyunder it.I#39;m goingcrazy!just putyourself inmyhands forone year,said theshrink,come tome threetimes aweek,and l#39;ii cureyourfears,how muchdo youcharge onehundred dollarsper visit.i#39;ll sleepon it,said jerry.six monthslater thedoctormet jerryon thestreet.why didn#39;tyouevercome tosee meagain askedthe psychiatrist.,for ahundred bucksa visitthe bartendercuredme for$

10.is thatso!how*he toldmetocut thelegs offthe bed!ain#39;tnobody underthere now!!!杰瑞去看心理医生..医生，我有些不对劲每次睡觉的时候，我都感觉有人在床下我要疯了i…绐我一年时间「医生说，〃每周来三次，我会治好你.…怎么收费呢？〃.每次一百美元…‘我会认真考虑的・・杰瑞答道六个月后医生和杰瑞在街上相遇了「为什么你再也没来呢？.・医生问.・一次一百块钱吗？有个酒吧服务生收了十块钱就把我治好了真的.？他怎么做到的？〃他让我把床腿锯掉现在那儿没人了！大五个月The SecondWorld Warhad begun,and Johnwanted to join the army,but he wasonly16years old,and boyswere allowedtojoinonly ifthey wereover

18.So whenthearmy doctorexamined him,he saidthat hewas

18.But Johns brotherhad joinedthearmya fewdays before,and thesame doctorhadexamined himtoo.This doctorremembered theolder boys familyname,so whenhessaw Johnpapers,hewassurprised.How oldare youhe said.Eighteen,sir,said John.But yourbrother waseighteen,too,said thedoctor.Are youtwinsOh,no,sir,said John,and hisface wentred.My brotheris fivemonths olderthan Iam.第二次世界大战开始了，约翰想参军，可他只有十六岁，当时规定男孩到十八岁才能入伍所以军医给他进行体检时，他说他已经十八岁了可约翰的哥哥刚入伍没几天而且也是这个军医给他做的检查这位医生还记得他哥哥的姓所以当他看到约翰的.表格时，感到非常惊奇〃你多大了〃军医问〃十八，长官〃约翰说〃可你的哥哥也是十八岁，你们是双胞胎吗〃约翰脸红了，说〃哦，不是，长官，我哥哥比我大五个月〃你女朋友的地址是一Two soldierswere incamp.The firstone sname wasGeorge,andthesecond onesname wasBill.George said,have yougot apiece ofpaper andan envelope,Bill军营里有二名士兵，一个叫乔治，一个叫比尔乔治问比尔，你有信纸、信封吗”Bill said,Yes,I have,and hegave themto him.比尔说〃有然后把信纸和信封给了乔治zThen George said,Now Ihaven tgot apen.Bill gavehim his,and Georgewrote hisletter.Then heput itin the envelope andsaid,have yougot astamp,Bill Billgave himone.乔治又说我还没有笔呢比尔又把自己的笔给了他乔治开始写信写完后把信放进信封里，又问〃比尔，你有邮票吗比尔给了他一张Then Billgot upand wenttothedoor,so Georgesaid tohim,Are yougoing out这时比尔站起来，向门口走去乔治问〃你要出去吗〃Bill Said,Yes,I am,and heopened thedoor.比尔说〃是的〃随即打开了门Georgesaid,Please putmy letterin thebox inthe office,and...He stopped.乔治说请帮我把封信投进办公室的信箱里，还有…他停住了What doyou wantnow Billsaidtohim.〃你还要什么〃比尔问z zGeorgelooked attheenvelopeof hisletter andanswered,What syour girl-friend saddress乔治看着信封说〃你女朋友的‘地址是-〃本文来源网络收集与整理，如有侵权，请联系作者删除，谢谢!。