史上最搞笑的英语笑话带翻译

史上最搞笑的英语笑话带翻译篇一英语幽默笑话带翻译英语幽默笑话带翻译1:A manwas hitby acab in the street.He wasbrought to the hospital.His wifewho wasstanding upbyhis bed,said tothe doctor:I thinkthat he is veryill.I amafraid that he isdead.said thedoctor,Hearingthis,the manmoved hishead andsaid:Im notdead.Im stillalive.Be quiet,said thewife,the doctorknowsbetter thanyou!医生明白得多一个男人在街上被出租车撞倒送进了医院.他的妻子站在他的床前对医生说:我想他伤得特别厉害•医生说:我怕他已经死了.听到医生的话，这个男人转动着头说:我没死，我还活着.妻子说:安静,医生比你明白得多.2:You cant go withoutmeThe busis verycrowded.Aman triesto get on,but noone givesway tohim.Hey,let megetonthebus.the manshouts.Its toocrowded.Youd bettertake the next bus.a passengersays tohim.But youcantgowithou me.Im the driver.the mansays.没有我你们走不了公共汽车内特别拥堵.一位男士想上车，但是没有人给他让路.喂，让我上车!那位男士喊道.车太挤了,你最好坐下一辆车内的一位乘客对他说.但是没有我你们走不了.我是司机!那位男士说道.3:DrunkOne day,a fatherand hislittle sonwere goinghome.At thisage,the boywas interestedin allkinds ofthingsand wasalways askingquestions.Now,he asked,Whats themeaning of the wordDrunk,dadWell,my son,his fatherreplied,look,there arestanding two policemen.If Iregard thetwopolicemenasfour thenI amdrunk.But,dad,the boysaid,theres onlyONE policeman!醉酒一天，父亲与小儿子一道回家这个小孩正处于那种对什么事都特别感兴趣的年龄，老是有提不完的征询题他向父亲发征询道“爸爸，醉’字是什么意思？”“唔，小孩，”父亲答复说，“你瞧那儿站着两个警察假设我把他们看成了四个，那么我就算醉了”“但是，爸爸，”小孩说，“那儿只有一个警察呀！”4:HospitalityThe hostessapologized toher unexpectedguest forserving anapple-pie without any cheese.The littleboyof thefamily leftthe roomquietly for a moment and returnedwith apiece ofcheese whichhe laidonthe guestsplate.The visitorsmiled,put the cheese into his mouthand thensaid:You musthave bettereyesthan your mother,sonny.Where didyou findthecheeseIn therat-trap,sir,replied theboy.好客由于客人在吃苹果馅饼时，家里没有奶酪了，因此女主人向大家表示歉意这家的小男孩悄悄地离开了屋子过了一会儿，他拿着一片奶酪回到房间，把奶酪放在客人的盘子里客人微笑着把奶酪放进嘴里说“小孩，你的眼睛确实是比你妈妈的好你在哪里找到的奶酪？”“在捕鼠夹上，先生“那小男孩说5:Dear white,something yougot toknow.When I was born,Iwasblack.When Igrow up,I amblackWhenIm underthe sun,Im blackWhenIm cold,Im blackWhenIm afraid,Im black.people,When you were born,you werepink.When yougrow up,you becomewhoure redunder thesun.Youre bluewhen yourecold.You areyellow when youre afraid.Youre greenwhenyouresick.Youregray whenyou die.And you,call mecolor亲爱的白种人，有几件事你必须明白当我出生时，我是黑色的我长大了，我是黑色的我在阳光下，我是黑色的我酷寒时，我是黑色的我害怕时，我是黑色的我生病了，我是黑色的当我死了，我仍是黑色的你一白种人，当你出生时，你是粉红色的你长大了，变成白色的你在阳光下，你是红色的你酷寒时，你是青色的你害怕时，你是黄色的你生病时，你是绿色的当你死时，你是灰色的而你，却叫我「有色人种」？6Where isthe fatherTwobrothers werelooking atsome beautifulpaintings.Look,said theelder brother.How nicethese paintingsare!Yes,said theyounger,but inall thesepaintings thereis onlythe motherand thechildren.Where isthefatherThe elderbrother thoughtforamomentand then explained,Obviously he was painting the pictures.兄弟俩在看一些漂亮的油画□“看，”哥哥说，“这些画多漂亮呀！”□“是啊，”弟弟说道，“但是在所有这些画中，只有妈妈和小孩那爸爸去哪儿了呢？”哥哥想了会儿，然后解释道“特别明显，他当时正在画这些画呗”7How ManyRabbitsTeacher:Now,Jonathan,if Igave youthree rabbitsandthenthenextday Igave youfive rabbits,howmany rabbitswould you have Jonathan:Nine,sir.Teacher:NineJonathan:Ive gotone already,sir.多少只兔子？老师好，乔纳森，假设我给你三只兔子，第二天我又给你五只，你一共有多少只兔子乔纳森一共有九只，先生老师九只？乔纳森先生，我本来就有一只8These AreMy JeansAftergoing ona diet,a womanfelt reallygood aboutherself----especially whenshe wasable tofit into a pairof jeansshe hadoutgrown longago.“Look,look.she shoutedwhile runningdownstairs toshow herhusband.I canwear myold jeansagain.”Her husbandlooked ather fora longtime,when said,“Honey,I loveyou,but theseare myjeans.”那是我的裤子！一个妇女在减肥一段时间后自我感受特别好——特别是当她又能穿上特别早往常就穿不上的牛仔裤时她跑下楼冲她丈夫喊道“快看，快看我又能穿上往常的裤子了她丈夫看了她好一会儿，然后说“亲爱的，我爱你但那是我的裤子”9The meanmans partyThenotorious cheapskate finallydecided tohave aparty.Explaining to a friendhow tofind hisapartment,he said,Come upto5M andring thedoorbell withyour elbow.When thedoor open,pushwith yourfoot.Why usemy elbowand footWell,gosh,was thereply,Youre notcoming empty-hangded,are you吝啬鬼请客一个出了名的吝啬鬼终于决定要请一次客了他在向一个朋友解释如何找到他家时说“你上到五楼，找中间那个门，然后用你的胳膊肘按门铃门开了之后，再用你的脚把门推开”□“为什么要用我的肘和脚呢？”□“你的双手得拿礼物啊天哪，你总不会空着手来吧？“吝啬鬼答复10All Ido ispayMy familyis justlike anation,Mr.Brown toldhis colleague.My wifeisthe ministerof finance,my mother-in-law isthe ministerof war,and mydaughter isforeignsecretary.Sounds interesting,his colleaguereplied.And whatis yourpositionIm thepeople.All Ido ispay.我要做的一切确实是付钱布朗先生告诉同事说“我的家简直就象一个国家一样我妻子是财政部长我岳母是作战部长，我女儿是外交秘书”□“听上去挺有意思的，”他的同事说，“那你的职务是什么呢？”□“我确实是老百姓我要做的一切确实是付钱”

1.What roomhas nowalls,no doors,no windows,and nofloorsAmushroom.（蘑菇）

2.What issmaller thanan insectsmouthAnything iteats.

3.What largeinstrument doyou carryin yourearsDrums,that iseardrums鼓膜）

4.Whats toomuch forone,just rightfor two,but nothingat allfor threeAsecret.

5.What persontried tomake yousmile most of thetimeA photographer.

6.What animalhas ahead like a cat,eyes likea cat,a taillikeacat,but isnta catAkitten.（小猫）

7.What surprisingthings happenevery24hoursDay breaks,but doesntfall;night falls,but doesntbreak.

8.What canhear youwithout earsand cananswer youwithoutamouthAnecho.（回声）

9.What doyou knowabout thekings ofFranceThey areall dead.

10.What questioncan younever answeryes toAreyou asleep

11.Why dosome oldpeople neveruse glassesTheymust preferbottles toglasses.

12.Why isthe personwearing two coats whilepaintingthehouseBecause theinstructions onthe paintcan sayPut ontwocoatsfor bestresults.篇二看笑话学英语笑话大全爆笑翻译l.One daya visitorfrom thecity cametoasmall ruralarea todrive aroundthe countryroads,see howthefarms looked,and perhapsto seehow farmersearned theirliving.The cityman sawa farmerin hisyard,holding apig upin his hands,and liftingit sothat thepig couldeat applesfrom anapple tree.Thecity mansaid tothe farmer,I seethat yourpig likesapples,but isntthat quitea wasteof timeThe farmerreplied,Whats timetoapig一天，有一个城市里的游客来到一个小乡村，在乡间路上开着车，想看看农庄是什么模样，也想看看农夫如何样种田过日子这位城里人看见一位农夫在宅后的草地上，手中抱着一头猪，并把它举得高高的，好让它能够吃到树上的苹果城里人对农夫说，我看你的猪挺喜欢吃苹果的，但是，这不是特别浪费时间吗那位农夫答复说，时间对猪有什么意义？

2.The LooneyBinLate onenight at the insane asylum疯人院one inmateshouted,I amNapoleon—Another onesaid,How doyou knowThefirst inmatesaid,God toldme!Just then,a voicefrom anotherroom shouted,I didnot!疯人院一天晚上，在疯人院里，一个病人说“我是拿破仑！”另一个说“你如何明白？第一个人说“上帝对我说的！”一会儿，一个声音从另一个房间传来“我没说！”Notes:1Looney俚语疯子2inmate n.同住者，同室者特指在医院、监狱3insaneasylum疯人院

3.Boxing andRunningDan isteaching hisson how to box.As hedoes so,he lefthis friend,This isa toughworld,so rmteaching myboy tofight.Friend:But supposehe comesup againstsomeone muchbigger thanheis,whos alsobeen taughthow tobox.Dan:rmteaching himhowtorun,too.拳击和赛跑丹在教他的儿子如何样拳击他告诉他的朋友“这是一个粗暴的世界，因此我要教我的儿子如何去拼搏”朋友“假设他碰上的对手是一个比他高大，强健而且也会拳击的人如何办？”丹“我也会教他如何样赛跑呢”NOTEcome upagainst遇到一个对手against表示相对的相反的

4.The wardenoftheprison feltsorry forone ofhis inmatesbecause every weekend onVisitor sDay,mostofthe prisonershad familymembers andfriends coming,but poorGeorge alwayssat alonein hiscell.So oneVisitor sDay,the wardencalled Georgetohisoffice andsaid,I noticeyou venever hadanyvisitors,George.Sympathetic,he puthishandon Georges shoulder.Tell me,don tyouhaveany friendsorfamilyGeorge replied,Oh,sure Ido,Warden.It sjust thatthey reall inhere!典狱长对狱中一位囚犯深感同情，由于每逢周末的探望日，大多数囚犯都有家人或朋友来访，但是悲伤的乔治总是孤伶伶地坐在本人的囚室中因此在一个探望日，典狱长把乔治叫到办公室说“乔治，我留意到从来没有人来探望过你”他满怀同情地把手放在乔治的肩膀上“告诉我，你没有任何朋友或家人吗？”乔治答复“喔！因此有，典狱长，只不过他们全都在这里面！”iceman:Why didntyou shoutforhelp whenyouwererobbed ofyour watchMan:If Ihad openedmy mouth,theyd havefound myfour goldteeth.That wouldbe muchworse.警察有人抢你的手表时，你为什么不呼救呢？男子要是我张口的话，他们就会觉察我的四颗金牙那就更糟了

6.A shoplifter（商店扒手）51kxh.cn|was caughtred-handed tryingto steala watchfrom ajewelrystore.Listen,said theshoplifter,I knowyou dontwant anytrouble either.What doyou sayI justbuy thewatch,and weforget aboutthisThe manageragreed andwrote upthe salesslip.The crook（骗子，坏蛋）lookedat theslip andsaid,This isa littlemore thanI intendedto spend.一个小偷在一家珠宝店企图偷走一只手表的时候被当场擒获“听着，‘小偷说，“我明白你们也不想惹苦恼我把这只表买下，然后我们就当什么也没发生，你看如何样？”经理表示同意，然后列了一张售货单小偷看着单子说道“这比我最初的预算稍稍高了一点，你们还有没有廉价一点儿东西

7.The suspicious-looking mandrove uptotheborder,where hewas greetedbyasentry（哨兵）.When the guard looked inthetrunk,hewassurprised tofind sixsacks bulgingattheseams（缝合线）,[来自我要看笑话51kxh.cn]Whats inhere he asked.Dirt,thedriverreplied.Take themout,the guardinstructed.I wantto checkthem.Obliging,the manremoved the bags,and sureenough,each oneof themcontained nothing but dirt.Reluctantly,the guardlet himgo.A weeklater theman cameback,and once again,the sentrylookedinthe truck.Whats inthebagsthis timeheasked.Dirt,more dirt,said theman.Not believinghim,theguardchecked thesacks and,onceagain,he foundnothingbutsoil.The samething happenedeveryweekfor sixmonths,and itfinally becameso frustratingto theguardthathequit andbecame abartender（7酉保）.篇三爆笑的经典英语小笑话爆笑的经典英语小笑话英语笑话

（一）老师在黑板上写了一句Time ismoney.并让同学们翻译有名学生答道“汤姆是玛丽”小明上英文课时跟老师说May Igo tothe toilet老师说Go ahead.小明就坐了下来过了一会儿，小明又跟老师说May Igo tothe toilet老师说Go ahead.小明又坐了下来他旁边的同学因此忍不住征询你不是跟老师说要上厕所吗？如何不去？小明说你没听老师说「去你个头」啊！英语笑话

（二）某日刘洪涛遇到外宾，上前搭话日I amhongtao liu,外宾日我TM仍然方片七呢！英语笑话

（三）江青会见外宾，要求翻译要严格按她的意思翻，不许走样外宾一见到江青，立即拍马屁道Miss Jiang,you arevery beautiful.翻译照翻，江青心花怒放，嘴上还要谦虚一下“哪里，哪里，翻译不敢怠慢，把江青的话翻成英文Where Where外宾一愣，还有如此的人，追征询哪里漂亮的，干脆马屁拍到底Everywhere,everywhere.翻译“你四处都特别漂亮”江青更欢乐了，但总是要客气一下“不见得，不见得”翻译抓紧翻成英文You arenot allowedto see,you arenot allowedto see.英语笑话

（四）话说某年某月的某一天，叁个神箭手约在一起比箭，目的是十尺外仆人头上的苹果A神箭手挽弓长射，咻一声，利箭正中苹果A傲慢的昂起下巴，比出一根大拇指道「I AM后羿！」B神箭手照本宣科，射中苹果，这回他自大的喊了一句「I AM丘比特！」轮到C了，他也挽弓，利箭射出！结果正中仆人的心脏就听他吞吞吐吐好久才吐出一句「I…I…I…AM…SORRY…」英语笑话

（五）某人刻苦学习英语，终有小成一日上街不慎与一老外相撞，忙说lam sorry.老外应道lam sorrytoo.某人听后又道I amsorry three.老外不解，征询What are you sorryfor某人无奈，道I amsorry five.英语笑话

（六）一位来自日本的旅客，坐出租车去机场的路上，看到一辆汽车通过，就说“oh,TOKOTA!Made inJapan!It isvery fast!”又有一辆通过,他又说oh,NISSAN!Made inJapan!It isvery fast!”司机有点不欢乐，觉得他太吵了！当第三辆通过时，他仍然说“oh,HONDA!Made inJapan!It isvery fast!”后来到了机场，那个日本人就征询“How Much”出租车司机说“1000!”日本人惊奇的征询司机“为什么那么贵？“出租车司机答复说“oh,mileometer（计程表）！Madein Japan!It isvery fast!”英语笑话

（七）英语老师征询一个学生，“How areyou是什么意思”学生想how是如何，you是你,因此答复“如何是你？”老师生气又征询另一个同学“How oldareyou是什么意思？”这个同学想了想说“如何老是你”英语笑话

（八）某男，粗通英文，至使馆，有表要填，有一栏是sex该男思之久已，决然下笔“Once aweek”签证官观后暴笑，曰“This itemshould befilled inwith maleor female.该男顿时赧颜，思之,填下“female,官楞之,曰“shouldn tit bemale男急释曰“I ama normalman,so Ihave sexwith female9英语笑话

（九）一位在美的留学生，想要考国际驾照在时由于过于紧张，看到地上标线是向左转他不放心的征询道:turn left监考官答复right.因此他立即向右转特别抱歉他只有下次再来英语笑话

（十）传说克林顿和教皇同一天去世，上帝搞错了，把克林顿送上了天堂，而把教皇送入了地狱觉察错误后上帝立即改了回来，路上二人相遇教皇感谢上帝，我终于能见到圣母玛利亚了（Virgin Maria）.克林顿（坏笑中）Sorry,its toolate.英语笑话

（十一）AWhat son yourhand BWatch.AHow tospell thatBT-H-A-T〜英语笑话

（十二）女sayi loveyou,\say it,come on!say it!男it!。